The Redemption of Solace
by Ahja Reyn
Summary: [HPCoF UNIVERSE] There are times when I wake up late at night, terrified that this has all been a dream. I want to reach out to Him, but I'm afraid that if I do, He won't be there. HarryDraco [HPCoF UNIVERSE]


**Title**: The Redemption of Solace  
**Author**: Reyn  
**Rating**: Rated M for the art of Love Making in its purest of forms  
**Warning**: Set in the CoF universe  
**Disclaimer**: I may not own Harry Potter and company, but I sure as hell own the children!  
**Dedication**: This is dedicated to anyone who has ever truly fallen in love and understands how fucking terrifying the process can be.  
**Author's Note**: Sadly, the pinnacle is not mine. The words were taken from Tanya Huff's 'Blood Pact' and twisted to meet my needs.

Also, this is set in the CoF universe. But if you still think you're getting lost, keep in mind the history of Harry's and Draco's relationship (at least the bits and pieces that Gabe has revealed) and hopefully you'll be able to follow along from there.

**THE REDEMPTION OF SOLACE**

There are times when I wake up late at night, terrified that this has all been a dream.

My body, far too hot beneath these covers, contrasts the cold and retching sweat known as Fear that has my heart firmly clenched in its grasp. I can hear it whispering out to me that nothing has changed. That this is nothing but a madness created by my own mind out of desperation.

I want to reach out to Him, but I'm afraid that if I do, He won't be there.

So instead I slip away to the one source of comfort I had through my years of loneliness before He came back into my life, becoming a permanent fixture in not only my heart and soul, but in body and person, too. I would visit the others' rooms as well, but I am afraid they won't be there either.

After all, it is because of Him that they exist.

I stand silently by the door, watching the small sleeping form. The moonlight streaming through the window highlights the pale face while casting the rest of the room into shadow, obscuring any hints of what could be His influence. I try to draw peace from the sight, knowing that if everything else truly is an illusion, at least my son is real.

Hugging myself for solace, I am aware that if I really am alone in life, a self-embrace will be all I have to turn to.

Strong arms wrap themselves around me as a hard chest presses itself against my back. I tense; afraid that the person behind me is not the one I yearn for – the one I love. What if I actually am insane and am trapped in my own spiral of deceit? What if this terror I feel is simply me waking up to the harsh truth that my perfect life is nothing more than a web of lies that I believe in more strongly than the Pope himself believes in his God?

But then His scent fills me and I feel myself relaxing in His hold. I start to tremble, unsure if it's from relief or some other emotion. His grip on me tightens as if trying to reassure me, and I can't stop the bittersweet smile from crossing my face.

I've never explained to Him why I come here on some nights; watching the slumbering figure with tears streaming down my cheeks until dawn. Most nights He comes for me long before then, but there have been those few times – I shudder – those few times when He was away.

Placing a gentle kiss on my neck, He pulls me away from the doorway and leads me back to our room. Once there, He slowly undresses me before lying me down on the bed. I know what is coming as I watch Him strip down, and it is times like these I can't help but wonder if He knows about this irrational phobia of mine.

I gasp as His warm lips meet my cool skin, slowly heating my body, driving my shivers away. Each kiss a reassurance that yes, He is here, and no, He will never again leave my side.

His mouth meets mine and our tongues speak of promises made long ago. Promises of love we held dear in our hearts even when our minds were forced to rebel against such ideas.

A moan, sounding more sorrowful than I mean for it to be, escapes my lips as He slowly fills me. His body remains flush against mine as He continues to push forward, kissing both of my closed eyelids as He, once again, completes me in mind, body, and soul.

And yet, through all of this, I cannot say His name. Our skin slick with sweat, our breath coming out in tormented rhythms, I find myself unable to call out to Him, afraid of shattering what may very well be nothing more than a fragile chimera.

Even as the passion grows and intensifies before finally igniting, I still cannot call His name. I can only cling to Him, my mouth open in a nearly silent scream as my entire being is consumed and lost in a burning glory.

Once it is over, I refuse to let my hold on Him go, even though He makes no move to pull away. I want to tighten my grip around Him until tremors wrack my body, forcing Him to hold me just as close, but I am afraid of breaking Him; of breaking this possible phantom.

When He finally does pull back, I nearly cry out in alarm, but find my trepidation calmed by the depth of His gaze as He brushes a damp strand of hair away from my forehead.

They often say that green is the color of greed, envy, and a number of other awful things, however, while looking into His eyes, all I can see is love, beauty, and…me.

He once told me that Slytherins can be brave, but I can't help but doubt that statement. If I weren't such a coward, I never would have left our bed in the first place. I would have faced my fears and reached out for Him, finding out right away if He really is in my life rather than run away and wait with dread to see if He would come for me.

I know I am being foolish; He has come for me nearly every time, and yet this fact only adds to my terror. What if He grows tired of this fallacy I continue to put myself through during the most ungodly of hours? What if He decides to allow my deception to become a reality and I wake up to find Him gone?

Panic claws at my heart at the mere thought. He can't leave me! I'll break! My very core will shatter! Sweet Merlin, it hurts! He can't destroy me like this, He's a Gryffindor!

My eyes frantically search His face for any signs of betrayal.

Please! Please don't leave me! Please don't crush me!

"Draco…"

Time itself stills as my name is whispered from His lips; His lips that are now curved upward in a small, loving smile, with no traces of malice or mocking cruelty.

Suddenly, all my illusions of fear shatter, leaving me with a happiness so great that a stream of tears breaks through to welcome this wonderful truth.

"Harry!" I cry out in jubilation. "Harry! Harry! Harry, I love you!"

I unexpectedly find myself exhausted, but I fight off the world of dreams simply so that I might bask in this rapture known as Harry Malfoy-Potter for just a while longer. But my struggle is in vain as sleep comes to claim me. I can feel Him smile as I bury my head in the crook of His neck and I allow myself to drift off as His last words are spoken through the darkness for my ears only.

"And I love you, Draco Malfoy-Potter."

**Fin.**


End file.
